Weekend Round Up (17-18 April 2010)

Pretty bad weekend for us.  In fact, it couldn’t have gone any worse.  Every result went against us and then we lost Torres for the season.  Technically, you could of course say that Man City losing was a result that went our way, but it sure as hell didn’t feel like it, did it?  Chelsea’s self destruction at White Hart Lane later in the day merely rubbed salt in the already gaping wound, whilst Villa and Everton both winning has made the danger of us finishing 8th a real possibility now.

That manc derby was a no win situation for us really.  A City loss coupled with a Chelsea win at Spurs would have been the best scenario, and a draw wouldn’t have been the end of the world I suppose.  But that last gasp goal from Scholes has now shifted the momentum back to United in the title race, and it has ensured that our home game with Chelsea in a couple of weeks is going to be a strange experience.  There’s simply no way I can actively root for them to beat us, but if winning hands the title to the mancs that would be seriously hard to take.  With Everton hot on our heels we’ll probably need to win the game.  It’s a nightmare scenario.

City didn’t play well at all at the weekend, which surprised me as they’ve been in great form and I really fancied them to turn United over.  It was a shit game, and only picked up in the closing stages when both sides went for it.   As average as United look on paper, you just can’t write them off.  That’s three times they’ve done City in stoppage time this season, which says as much about City as it does Ferguson’s side I’d say.

I hadn’t read any Sunday papers, but I was in my parents house yesterday and my mum was going on about some picture of Scholes and Neville kissing eachother on the lips that had been on sky all morning.  “That Gary Neville is vile.  I was nearly sick, they even had their eyes closed” she complained.  “To be fair, if you were kissing either of those two gargoils you’d make sure your eyes were closed wouldn’t you?” I said.  It’s not a homophobic thing, it’s an ugly bastard thing.  I don’t remember anyone having a problem with Stevie and Xabi sharing a little kiss after Istanbul.  Difference is Gerrard doesn’t look like a fucking weasel and the only thing ginger about Xabi is his glorious manly stubble. *sighs wistfully….* I miss you Xabi.

To be fair to Neville, at least he knows his level and punches at his own weight.  Never saw him doing that to Ronaldo did we?  He knows when he’s out of his league that’s why.  Ronaldo wouldn’t look twice at him.  Rooney’s fair game though, so I’d be watching my step if I was him.  One minute you’re celebrating a last minute winner, next minute Gary Neville’s tongue is in your mouth.  *Shudders*.

That got Saturday off to a bad start, and it got worse when Everton won at Ewood Park to move within two points of us.  But for two consecutive stoppage equalisers they’d conceded to West Ham and Villa, the blues would actually be two points ahead of us now.  Much as I don’t like to do it, I have to give them credit and if the season were to end today (and I really wish it would), I’d make Moyes manager of the year for what he’s done with them this season.

They went ahead early on through an Arteta penalty, but he should have been sent off later on for blatantly poking Gamst Pedersen in the eye right in front of the referee.  Now as much as Pedersen probably deserves to be poked in the eye (he’s always seemed to be a bit of a pretty boy wannabe to me, like a watered down Bendtner), you can’t do shit like that, especially when the ref is standing there watching you do it.  Clattenberg let it slide though, perhaps because he didn’t have Steven Gerrard there to ‘advise’ him?  (edit, just found out it was Andre Marriner, but I don’t have a gag about him so I’m leaving the Clattenberg one in)

Blackburn levelled when N’Zonzi showed that there’s more strings to his bow than being able to chokeslam Lucas Leiva, when he hammered in a scorcher from 30 yards.  Moyes threw on his number 22 Yakubu, who scored 22 seconds later.  Uncanny eh?  Well I’m not done, it gets even more spooky.  That goal was the third of the game.  And what’s 3 multiplied by 22?  66, which is of course the Yak’s age.   Some serious X-Files type shit going on there.

Blackburn levelled again through Jason Roberts, who took off his shirt and made a point of pointing to his name on the back so there could be no mistaking just who ‘the man’ is.  Well, almost no mistaking it, as Soccer Saturday’s Paul Merson yelled out “It’s Graham Roberts with the goal Jeff”.   He’s ace is Paul Merson.  It’s like having your very own court jester in the room when Soccer Saturday is on the tv.

Everton kept pushing though, and got their reward at the end when Cahill prodded in from close range.  His tenth of the season, and apparently all the others have been with his head.  That tells me he’s either great with his head, or shit with his feet.  Maybe both.

Meanwhile, Burnley reverted to type after last week’s shock win over Hull, going down 2-1 at Sunderland.  Brian Laws has now lost 13 out of 16 since he arrived there.  He’s one of only a handful of Premiership managers who have actually done a worse job than Rafa this season.  To be fair to him, Burnley’s players are seriously limited, and it shows just how good a job Owen Coyle did with them really, as given the players they have, they’ve no business even being in the Premiership, yet while Coyle was there they were looking like they might even stay in it.  Hell of a job he did.

As for Sunderland, watching this on MOTD I was thinking to myself that I really hate that Frazer Campbell far more than I should do.  He’s pretty insignificant really, but I’ve got a real irrational dislike of him going on and I’m not sure why.  It’s not that he used to play for the mancs, and I don’t think it’s because he scored a couple against us when he was on loan at Spurs. There’s just something about him that rubs me up the wrong way.  We’re not talking Jon Dahl Tomasson levels of irrational hatred here, but it’s up there.

Stoke were beaten at home by Bolton.  Dave Kitson opened the scoring with a fantastic goal, but Bolton came back to record an impressive victory thanks to two goals by the under-rated Matt Taylor.  Decent player him, gets plenty of goals too.  Stoke fans were wearing Tony Pulis masks.  And it’s not even Halloween.  What the fuck?  Speaking of Pulis, whats worse, his baseball cap or Mancini’s scarf?  I’m going with the scarf, but it’s a close call.

I can’t believe I actually sat through Birmingham/Hull and Fulham/Wolves though.  I could barely keep my eyes open at that point, but wanted to stay awake to watch the football league show afterwards to see Jay Spearing score for Leicester.  All I can remember about those two games were Mick McCarthy looking more and more like Sam the Eagle with each passing week, and Bobby Zamora hitting the post.  Zamora has to be right up there in the running for ‘Most Improved Player’ of this season, but there’s a lad at Spurs who gets my vote.

Gareth Bale has been brilliant in the last few months, and he took Chelsea to the cleaners on Saturday.  Spurs have really proved me wrong in the last week.  All season I’ve been saying they’d bottle it and wouldn’t get fourth, and with the run of games they had coming up I was convinced they’d blown it when they lost to Sunderland.  But they beat Arsenal, and now they’ve beaten Chelsea.  I didn’t see that coming.  Mind you, they’re nailed on certainties to lose at Old Trafford next week, and they may still throw fourth place away yet.  I hope not, I’d rather they got it than City.

The story of this game was Mongo getting what has been coming to him for weeks.  He got away with a foul on Defoe on the edge of the box that should have been a yellow card, just as he got away with the assault on Milner last weekend and the blatant handball against Bolton in midweek.  His luck eventually ran out at the Lane though, as firstly he gave a pen away for handball (quite harsh I thought too, but fuck him), then he was sent off for two clear yellow card offences.  Cheeky bastard had the nerve to claim he got the ball both times to.  Fucking pondlife.

If we do beat Chelsea to hand the title to the mancs, rather than wallow in the misery of Ferguson ‘knocking us off our perch’, I’d try and take some consolation in the knowledge that at least we’d fucked Mongo’s shit up and he wouldn’t be getting his hands on the trophy, the stupid faced, tefal headed lowlife crying cunt.

Watching that game on match of the day there were a lot of talking points, but the one thing that dominated my thought process as I watched it, was just how much I would like to punch John Motson in the face.  I know that’s wrong, he’s old and all that, but I can’t help it.  I despise him, always have done, but it’s getting worse.  His hysterical, over the top screeching in that daft high pitch voice of his annoyed the fuck out of me in this game.

I couldn’t find the remote either, so didn’t even have the option of turning the sound down.  Unless I got up off the couch and turned it down manually on the TV, but let’s face it, that ain’t gonna happen.  I toyed with the idea of phoning the wife who was asleep upstairs and asking her to come down and do it, but I thought better of it and just had to sit there and listen to the hysterical twat.  Tell you what, this fucking rod better not be doing BBC’s world cup games.

Onto Sunday, and there were a couple of entertaining games.  Arsenal’s capitulation at Wigan was funny, but slightly disappointing too as it ended any fading hope that maybe they could pip the other two fuckers to the title.  They blew it big time though, but their goalkeeping situation was always going to explode in their faces.  Their number one is shite, so when his back up is playing there is always going to be a problem.  All their keepers since Seaman have been garbage, and I never thought he was as good as the hype either.

If you’re gonna play a shit keeper Arsene, then go with third choice Vito Mannone as at least he has a cool name and sounds like he could be working the cab stand in Goodfellas.  Those other chumps Almunia and Fabianski have nothing going for them. Give Vito his shot.

Theo Walcott is a bad shithouse isn’t he?  I know he scored, but loads of times I’ve seen him go through and he won’t shoot, he doesn’t want the responsibility.  He did it in the Nou Camp but got away with it as Bendtner just about scored, and he did the same here.  He could be a top, top player, but there’s something missing.  He’s still better than anything we have on the wings in fairness, and I’d have him here in a heartbeat.  He’s just not turned out to be as good as I thought he would do.

Credit to Wigan, they stuck at it and to come back from two down to Arsenal is a good achievement.  My boy Charles N’Zogbia got the stoppage time winner.  He’d look great on our left wing I reckon.  Didn’t like seeing Dave Whelan celebrating at the end though.  He can fuck off, the manc loving dickhead.  Bet he was made up with the weekend’s results.  Interesting looking at Wigan’s home results against the ‘Big Four’.  Beat Chelsea 1-0.  Beat us 1-0.  Beat Arsenal 3-2.  The mancs?  Lost 5-0.  Just saying like.

The other game on Sunday saw Villa come from behind to beat Pompey 2-1.  Michael Brown opened the scoring with what the commentator claimed was his first goal since 2004.  That’s six years.  He’s a midfielder.  A shit one, but still, six fucking years between goals for a midfielder?  He earns thousands of pounds a week just for being a twat and trying to maim people.  Nice work if you can get it.  The assist for that goal was by Vanden Borre.  Knew he’d come good.  Footy Manager, I’m sorry for ever doubting you.

Villa equalised through a brilliant goal by Carew.  He’s class.  It’s taken me a long time to realise it like, but he is, even if he missed a pen.  James was in fine form, but he’s great when there’s no pressure on him.  Capello was there and the talk is that he’ll make James his number one for the World Cup.  As England’s biggest non-fan, allow me to say “I fucking hope so” as that could be comedy gold seeing Jameo flapping around in the World Cup.

Neil Warnock was the guest on MOTD2, and he came out with some serious shite.  The pick of which was probably “David James doesn’t suffer fools gladly.”  Are you shitting me?  That’s like “Ferguson doesn’t suffer heavy drinkers gladly”, “Fat Sam doesn’t suffer huge egomaniac wankers who are full of their own self importance gladly”, or “Brian Laws doesn’t suffer losers gladly”.

Congratulations to Warnock though, this was his first time ever on TV when he didn’t bitch about Benitez fielding a weakened side at Fulham.  Actually, you know what, when we play Chelsea it might just be worth fielding the u18 side and throwing the game, as it might just finish off Warnock and Ferguson for good.

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