Weekend Round Up (3-4 Apr 2010)

The weekend’s big game saw Chelsea edge ahead in the title race with a controversial 2-1 win at Old Trafford.  Joe Cole put them in front with a brilliant back heel, but what’s with that little bald spot?  Where did that spring up from?  He looks like a mad monk.  Still, cracking finish all the same.  Chelsea went two up when Drogba came off the bench to wander two yards offside, collect the ball and smash it past Van Der Saar who for some reason had just crumpled in a heap in front of him.  A disgwace.

Hilarious seeing the mancs get done over by a linesman, especially as the offside took place right by the spot that Park had flung himself to win an unjust penalty against us the other week.  There was another dive from Park in this game (the irony being there was actually contact, but the over theatrical fall suggested otherwise), but referee Mike Dean waved away his penalty appeals.  Scouse bastard that he is.  Don’t expect that lino to ever run the line at Old Trafford again either.

The mancs pulled one back through that prick Macheda, but thankfully they couldn’t get an equaliser and fingers crossed they won’t be able to claim number 19 for another year at least.  Afterwards, Ferguson blamed the officials.  All piss taking apart, I think he may have done that after every single defeat they’ve had this season.  If I wasn’t such a lazy bastard I’d look that up.

Not sure exactly what he had to complain about though, yes the goal was offside, but what about the blatant pen that should have been awarded when that rat Neville took Anelka out?  Or Scholes staying on the pitch despite his constant fouls?  And let’s not forget Macheda bundled his goal in with his hand.  In short, fuck off Fergie you crying, twisted, horrible old purple nosed cunt.

I’m relieved that Chelsea won, but that’s about it.  I certainly wasn’t going to celebrate it. Fuck Chelsea, I hope they finish above the mancs but ideally they’ll be behind Arsenal.  It might still happen too, as the depleted Gunners conjured up yet another stoppage time winner to beat Wolves.  Once again, it was Bendtner who scored.  And no, I haven’t revised my opinion on him, he’s still a poor mans Neil Mellor who wore pink boots and has an incredibly punchable face.

He divides opinion in a similar way to another punchable faced Scandinavian striker, and funnily enough the pair had come face to face a few days earlier when Zlatan scored twice in that 2-2 draw Arse played out with Barca.  For the record, he’s shit too.

Which brings me nicely onto the Spurs / Sunderland game.  King of the shit goal Darren Bent scored twice, but missed two penalties as the Mackems did their best to let Spurs off the hook.  Looking at the upcoming games Spurs have, they really couldn’t afford to lose this one and there may be no coming back from this.  I watched most of this game on a stream, and Spurs were garbage.  Bent opened the scoring and then celebrated in front of the Spurs fans.  Did they give him a hard time when he was there?  Fair enough if they did, if not though then he’s a tit.  He can fuck off with that stupid tongue as well.

He added a second from the spot, and then saw two other spot kicks saved by Gomez.  Crouchy pulled a goal back (bless him) and it was looking like Sunderland were going to cave in, but Bolo came on and saved the day with a strike as dazzling as his awesome hair.  Good lad.

My brother in law is a Mackem, and he was at the game.  I got a text from him asking ‘how come Anton Ferdinand’s goal was disallowed?’.  I replied ‘because he’s a fucking knob’.  ‘Fair enough’ he said.

That was a good result for us, but the bad news was Villa won at Bolton.  I didn’t see that coming, after what happened last week I expected Villa to fall away now, especially as their players apparently believe O’Neill is history and Mark Hughes is coming in to replace him.  Their run in isn’t too bad in comparison with Spurs and City, so they may still be a factor.

The worst result for us this weekend (apart from our own!) was City running riot at Burnley.   The first half display from Burnley might just be the worst I’ve ever seen in the top flight.  It was amazing, they just stood off and let City play, and there were times when City had three against one breaks.  Truly astonishing stuff.  Burnley fans will be wondering how the hell that can happen.  Well Burnley fans, I got two words for ya; Brian Laws.

A torrential half time downpour saved them from letting in 10, but that 6-1 wasn’t good news for us as it boosted City’s goal difference.  We go to Burnley soon, let’s see if we approach the game the way City did.

The only team below Burnley in the table picked up a point in a goalless draw with Blackburn, but it came at a cost as Anthony Vanden Borre was sent off and will miss their FA Cup semi.  This disturbs me greatly, as every time I see Vanden Borre I expect him to be amazing, as he always was for me when I used to sign him and Vincent Kompany during my glory years on Football Manager.  I’m having serious difficulty accepting that he’s actually just not that good.  If Footy Manager can get it so badly wrong, then what is there left in this world to believe in?

Over at the Pit, Everton’s long winning streak at home came to an end in dramatic circumstances against struggling West Ham.  Zola had come close to leaving last week by all accounts, but he was still there on the sidelines, looking like a ball boy in his little tracksuit, and West Ham’s players for once showed a lot of fight and actually looked like they wanted to get a result for him.  None more so than Scotty Parker, who once again put everything he had into this game.

His dedication to the cause was admirable, especially when he went through Cahill and then pleaded with Howard Webb not to book him as he knew it meant a suspension.  “Howard, no.  Please Howard, no.  Don’t book me Howard, please.  Please!”  Not often you see a player who cares that much.  Didn’t do him any good, that fucking arlarse Webb booked him anyway.  Harsh that, it was only Cahill, he could have let that one go.

Everton took the lead, the Hammers equalised, then Purple Yaki came off the bench to score a fine header.  In between that, Everton were denied the most blatant of penalties when Saha was fouled, but West Ham kept plugging away and equalised right at the end through some foreign guy I’ve never seen before.  They seem to be able to do that West Ham, just suddenly throw on some random guy who I’ve never heard of.  It’s uncanny.

Newcastle were always the kings when it came to that though.  Every other saturday I’d stick MOTD on and see some unknown hapless defender making a fool of himself.  “Who’s he?” I’d wonder, only to then discover they paid £9m for him from some French or Spanish side.  I’m glad they’ve come back up, Saturday nights are always much more fun when Newcastle are getting dicked on MOTD.  Not to mention the guaranteed six points for us of course.

Where was I though?  Ah yes, West Ham.  Nice to see them show some fight, but Fat Mido was again an embarrassment, and even missed a pen.  At 23 stone I can accept he isn’t going to run much, but if he can’t even take a pen then what good is he?  Mark Noble is a tidy little player, he looks like he’s from the 1930’s though.  I can just see him in a flat cap, with soot all over his face and chimney brush over his shoulder.  Proper little cockney chappy he is.

The only other games of the weekend saw Hull lose at Stoke.  The best shit player in the league Ricardo Fuller grabbed the first, with Liam Lawrence – just a regular shit player – getting the other.  Finally, Woy Hodgson’s Fulham edged out Wigan 2-1.  That’s not the story of the game though, the big scoop here was that Jason Scotland scored.  No, I’m not kidding, it’s not a late April Fool’s gag, he really did score.  To quote big Kammy, unbelievable Jeff.  Wigan are by no means safe yet, and if they did go down I’d happily take N’Zogbia thanks very much.

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